Happy thanksgiving and I hope that we are all able to practice gratitude this weekend when reflecting on our lives with loved ones. There is always something to be thankful for!
The topic that I am bringing you today is one that I discuss with people often, and had the pleasure of sharing on my most recent Rogers Daytime segment. The topic is the Do’s and Don’ts of entering into a dating relationship. We all know how important and yet tricky those first few months can be. In the following article you will find the Don’ts outlined in a video clip and explained in a little more detail below. Part one of the clip (the Don’ts) goes until around 5 minutes in, and then the clip carries on into the Do’s, which will be discussed in more detail in next weeks post.
(Click picture to open video clip)
The don’ts when entering into a dating relationship:
1. Do not daydream an entire future up with some you just started dating
This one gets us almost every time! We meet someone, learn exciting things about them, and start to experiment with how they could potentially fit in or add to our lives. Before you know it, we have an entire future planned out with someone that we have been dating for only a month. It is natural for us to incorporate a spouse or partner into our future plans and ambitions, but when it is someone that we have just recently met and have little context of, we become attached to not just them, but also the future we could have with them. If it doesn’t work out, we are not only losing the current attachment and time invested, but also all of the hopes for the future.
2. Do not build the basis of your relationship on sexual intimacy.
Many people think that physical chemistry or a sexual connection can serve as the basis for a relationship. True connection and intimacy cannot be built solely upon a physical relationship. While sexual intimacy is a big part of a healthy relationship, it should not be the basis for which you judge your compatibility or connection with someone. Furthermore, physical intimacy during the initial stages of dating can serve to cloud your judgment and ability to assess compatibility. We can have strong chemistry and even amazing sexual relationships with people we are not compatible to build a lasting relationship with. If it is lasting connection you are after, try to hold on to your cards until you can see how the game is going to play out.
3. Do not put all your eggs in one basket.
When entering into a new relationship there is a major temptation to throw all that you have into it. All of your time, all of your attention, and before you know it, you have given up more of yourself then you had originally intended. It is important when entering into any relationship to maintain your sense of self. Maintaining your individuality looks like continuing with the activities you were doing before you met that person, such as going to the gym, hanging out with friends, and visiting with family. If anything, a relationship should add to your growth and cause you to move forward, rather than pull you away from things that are important to you.
Relationships are the special ingredients that make our worlds go around. So much of what I discuss with people on a daily basis has to do with the relationships in their lives. Come back next week to hear about the Do’s when entering into a dating relationship and feel free to comment with a Don’t that you have learned throughout your dating experiences.