- This article was originally written for drwendywalsh.com
You had a great first date (or two) and think you hit it off. There has been a bit of contact since your date and you are waiting to see if things are going to progress. The uncertainty leaves you feeling powerless—like you have no control over the situation. All kinds of questions swirl around your brain. Will he call? Did he like me?
You have two options.
You either summon all your patience waiting for a call. Or seek certainty, contact him and see how it goes.
The first couple of months in a relationship can be incredibly challenging. You are getting to know someone new. The future is uncertain and no norms have been established to determine how often you will see, talk to, or hear from that person. This can be an anxiety-provoking situation for many, causing you to feel unsure about where you stand.
Dating is the beginning phase of building a relationship. It starts the process of forming a bond or attachment to another person. The closeness of this attachment is monitored by something called our “attachment system,” an incredibly helpful mechanism in our brain that aims to maintain our connections. This system is both helpful and necessary. However, there are two particular times when it can wreak havoc on our relationship; the early phases of dating and during a breakup.
The beginning of a relationship induces a cocktail of hormones and emotions that have the ability to hijack our brain. We spend exaggerated amounts of time thinking about, checking our phones, and even picturing what our life would be like with that person. Little do we know, all of these daydreams and hopes are actually building an attachment to person. Even if they are not physically present.
A great example of this can be seen in the show The Bachelor. Twenty-five men or women compete for the love of one person. All of the potential suitors sit around in the house and daydream about the one they want to date. Every moment of every day is spent forming an attachment to a person whom they truly know very little about. We sit back and wonder how people can leave so broken hearted after such a short amount of time. It seems absurd. But if you add up all the hours they put into thinking about, talking about, and daydreaming about that person—they have formed a very one-sided attachment.
So here’s the deal. He may or may not call you back. It is out of your control. But there are several things you do have power over. You can avoid building a bond with someone who is not physically present or committed to you. You can distract your thoughts. You can count the minutes or hours you allow yourself to invest thinking about that person and weigh whether the investment is one sided. You can decide to continue on with your life and not allow all your hopes and dreams to ride on whether he calls you back or not. He has to prove himself just as much as you do. He is auditioning for the lead role in your life after all, and it’s your job to ensure he is well suited for the part.
If he doesn’t call, he wasn’t well suited to meet your needs anyway. So don’t let him keep you from meeting someone who is.
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Wishing you love and connection,
